He Treats Her Like Dirt!
Q: I'm 19 and I have been talking to this guy a little over five months now. I have had sex with him and we were doing great for awhile until he started not talking to me when we were around other people. It felt like he was embarrassed by me. When I asked him about it, he blew up and said I'm trying to control him. What do I do? Now he's really not talking to me, and when he does, he is very rude. I care for him a lot and have strong feelings for him. I want to let go but can't. -- Daisy
Dr. Susan: Let's see what we have here, Daisy: a guy who blows up at you, is rude to you, and is embarrassed by you. Face it: you made a mistake by sleeping with him, and you'd only be compounding the mistake by hanging around hoping for a crumb of attention from him now. In the future, you might want to hold off on sleeping with guys before you know them very well. Looks like this one has gotten bored and is no longer interested in you. Hard as it is, I'd try not to take it personally. You're young so he's probably young too, and the attention span of young males is notoriously short. But not only is your guy's attention short, but he's a bad bargain to boot. You do not have to get yourself any more deeply entangled with someone who has anger issues. Asking him about his obviously changed behavior shouldn't have been construed as controlling. HE sounds like the controlling one to me. What I don't understand is WHY you care for him a lot. Do you enjoy being treated badly? Get yourself involved in some absorbing activities where you can meet new people and leave this loser in the past where he belongs.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.