Is Something Wrong With Her?
Q: At 20 years of age, I'm starting to worry about my personal/love life. It's not that I think I should lose my virginity or even necessarily be in a long-term relationship. I'm concerned because I've had NO experience with men whatsoever. All of my crushes have either resulted in rejection or have not been pursued. My friends tell me that it's abnormal to not have even been kissed or hugged by a male by now. I've never even had any of those schoolyard, little kid romances that most people experience. I've never been on a date. Even though I am shy, I have tried to ask guys out a few times to no avail. Am I being paranoid? Should I be worried? Some of my friends say I must not be trying hard enough, that I should seek counseling because there may be another underlying psychological problem. Is that possible? -- Gloria, 20
Dr. Susan: I wouldn't worry at this point. Still, it's possible that you are sending out signals that are somehow not what you intend. Your friends are trying to help but they probably aren't sophisticated enough to analyze you or the situation accurately. Having a date, finding partners to like you and be liked by you, isn't necessarily a matter of "trying." Most females, if they're of at least average looks and have a pleasing personality, will eventually attract the attention of men. Maybe something else is going on. It can't hurt to consult a professional about how you appear to others.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.