Normal to Wait for Sex?
Q: About a month ago, I met a man in a club. He's two years younger than me. I'm attracted to older men, but we started talking on the phone and we both made it clear that we weren't looking for a relationship, that we were both trying to get our lives together. As we continued to get to know one another, we found we have a lot of things in common. I started developing feelings for him, and it turned out that he liked me, too. We have hung out more lately, and I think I have fallen in love with him. He says he's in love with me, too. We still haven't had sex. Is this normal in a relationship when two people feel this way about each other? — Francie, 23
Dr. Susan: Considering that your guy is only 21, it's not abnormal that he hasn't initiated a sexual relationship with you yet. Meanwhile, think about whether you're idealizing him. It's so common to think a new guy is just what you've always wanted. But who knows? You only know him a month altogether. That's hardly enough time to make any big decisions. It's fine (in fact it's MORE than fine) to hold off on the physical side a while longer until you spend more time getting to know who he really is.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.