Regrets Spoil Her Love
Q: How can I learn to let go and stop blaming my husband for decisions I myself made? I took a second chance at marriage in my seventies, and I love my new husband. But when we moved in together we decided to sell most of my furniture. Some of those pieces I had for decades, and now that they are gone I feel guilty. I wake up in the morning and go to my dresser and break down crying that it is not MY dresser. I feel like I took my past and threw it away. I can't help but take it out on my husband. I don't want to but I get so ANGRY that he is the reason so many of my cherished items are gone. I know this isn't fair to him, as he said we could put them in storage, but I said why waste the money. — Billie, 76
Dr. Susan: Many of us have done something like what you did: in order to get a fresh start, we tossed out reminders of our old life. And then later we wished we had some of that stuff back. The thing to remember is that you have the memories, and they haven't been discarded. Meanwhile, think this through. Nearly all of us head toward old age with way too much stuff. It's especially hard to part with it because it reminds us that our own time on earth is limited. Your husband sounds understanding. It's a shame that your stirred-up emotions are showing up as anger at him. Let him know that you know this is not fair to him. You need to give yourself time to become settled in your new life. Consider getting rid of one or two of HIS old things and replacing them with something new to start your new life together.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.