Heavy Drama in Their Puppy Love
Q: I've known this guy for 10 months. At first, we talked on the phone and texted each other like you do in puppy love. However, I wanted more, and he told me that he just wasn't ready for a relationship. We talked and stopped multiple times. We started dating and we constantly fought for three months over trust issues. He broke up with me because of the fighting. A week later, every time I was working out, he'd try to talk to me. This lasted for 2 months then he got enraged when a friend tried to take me out with them. He stopped trying to talk to me for a month and then has recently started. People keep throwing their opinions at me and I don't know what to do. — Maria, 20
Dr. Susan: Do these people--your friends, I assume—tell you to stop having so much drama in your life? Nobody needs to go back and forth so many times before realizing that this relationship is a waste of your time and emotional energy. Constantly fighting for three months is a bright red warning sign, a clue to look elsewhere. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't trust you (or whom you don't trust)? It's not good that he got enraged at you. This fellow sounds like he could become an abuser—an emotional abuser or even worse—in the future. Just let this non-relationship go and stop taking his texts and calls. If he tries to talk to you at the gym, keep your responses polite and absolutely minimal.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.