Professor Boyfriend is Secretive
Q: I've been secretly dating one of my professors in graduate school. He's asked me to keep things discreet but I don't want to sneak around. I don't know if it's against school policy or if he's worried about losing his job, but I'm starting to feel like he doesn't respect my needs. We're very compatible otherwise and I'm graduating this spring, so should I just stick it out? — Lori, 23
Dr. Susan: Why don't you just ask him why he is so intent on keeping your relationship secret? Let's assume he's single and free to date. Let's then assume it's not against his school's rules to date his own or any student, although it usually is against official or just plain ethical rules. That would leave two possibilities: he's not serious enough about you right now to let your relationship become public knowledge, or he figures that when you graduate, the relationship will end anyway. Of course, there is no way to know what his true feelings are without asking him. So, in short, don't "stick it out" -- talk it out.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.