Will He Come Back?
Q: My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. It was my fault for embarrassing him in front of his friends. I thought he was cheating, but he wasn't. He went back to Florida and decided that he is going to stay there. I still love him a lot. We talk on the phone every day but he has not said if we will get back together yet. I am dying waiting on his answer. Should I move on? -- Sarah
Dr. Susan: You need to decide how much control you're going to allow this fellow to have over your life. From what you've said, he's already decided to move on, so you might as well do the same instead of sitting by the phone throughout your 20s. It usually takes more than one embarrassment for a guy to decide to break up and move away from someone he loves. Something serious may have already been wrong with your relationship. Maybe you didn't trust him because he was beginning to move away from you emotionally. I suspect he keeps talking to you on the phone because he enjoys your company as well as your discomfort, but from a safe distance. Ask him outright if he thinks he's ever going to change his mind and return to you. Anything short of a "Yes, I love you and I'm coming back" should help you let go. Then stop the phone calls to give your tangled-up emotions a chance to unwind.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.