Hubby Way Too "Nice" to Her BFF
Q: My best friend and I have known each other since we were kids. I speak to her all the time and we have girls' night out with our friends. She's not married and doesn't have a boyfriend right now. My problem is my husband always invites her over. I could have just seen her the night before, but he says since she might have nothing to do let's invite her over. This is happening very often, and I'm not feeling right about it. He's always asking me to get a beer for him, yet when she's over he waits on her hand and foot.
I asked her if something was going on, and she said no, he's just being nice to her. I don't usually get jealous, but I don't like what's going on. Also, I asked him if something was going on, and he says I'm being crazy. I always hated those girls who were jealous of their husbands, but I can't stop thinking about this. - Lucinda, 36
Dr. Susan: Maybe I'm not the most reassuring advisor to ask, because a whole set of red warning lights go on for me when I read your question. Not only is your best friend without a boyfriend at present, but your husband is treating her "differently." It's vaguely possible that your friend hasn't a clue that your husband is attracted to her. I say that because I've observed smart women act as though they don't know what's going on when a guy wants to spend a lot of time with them. As for your husband, calling you crazy is the typical thing men (and women) do when their mate confronts them with this kind of suspicion.
What now? Alert your husband again that you're not feeling comfortable with his frequent extra invitations to your friend. Say you'd prefer to spend more alone time with him, and that, as she's your lifetime friend, you prefer to decide when to see her without his input. Be honest about your gut feelings: there may be nothing going on, but you're uneasy nonetheless at the changing dynamics. And he ought to respect that.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.