She Wants What HER Money Buys
Q: My boyfriend and I are discussing moving in together. I make considerably more money than he does, which hasn't been an issue until now. He wants to split expenses evenly, but if we do, we'll only be able to afford a modest apartment. I've offered to pay for two-thirds of the rent so we can have a nicer place, but he's insistent on paying equal amounts. I don't want to sacrifice my quality of living, having worked so hard to get where I am today. Is this an even split or a relationship split? — Victoria, 32
Dr. Susan: You're telling me that you don't want to live with a happy man in a modest apartment that the two of you can afford right now? Consider this: you're moving in together, not marrying. So perhaps your boyfriend doesn't want to feel indebted to you. If you get to the point where you're pooling funds and committing to marriage, then it shouldn't matter who earns what and who pays for what. At least, that's one way happy couples manage their unequal incomes. It seems to me that when you use the phrase "sacrifice my quality of living," you're in effect saying to him that he doesn't earn enough to support you the way you'd like to live. I'd save your extra money for a future home when your living-together-arrangement becomes more permanent.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.