Can a Pudgy Woman Find True Love?
Q: I'm a woman with "more to love," but I wonder if my weight is the reason I'm single. I think I have a lot to offer: I'm educated and funny, have varied interests and take care of myself. But most of the men I meet online don't seem interested in me past the first date. Others make comments about my size or grab me like a piece of meat. Do I really have to drop these 15 pounds in order to date? - Katie, 28
Dr. Susan: Fifteen extra pounds is unlikely to be enough to scare off all potential second dates. Men in your age range who pursue online dating can be quite picky (and unrealistic) about how trim a woman should be to suit them. I might suggest you seek out men who are themselves slightly above their ideal weight, hoping they'd be a little more compassionate about minor flaws. If, on the other hand, you are clearly quite overweight, that would make it harder to find a good date online, when a lot of the judging (okay, most of it) is done visually. And some sites (free ones in particular) don't screen members, thus making it more of a challenge for a non-standard person to find a good match.
What I'm wondering, though, is why you're getting first dates, but not second ones. Is there a chance you have a good male (or even female) friend whom you can trust to give you honest feedback about how you come across?
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.