Are Boyfriend's Screw-ups in the Past?
Q: Me and my boyfriend have had our ups and downs. We've recently gotten back together after a few months apart, and things are better than ever. I feel like we've both worked through our issues and are in a good, happy place. The problem is my friends. They've been there for me through it all and won't let me forget the many times my guy has screwed up. Can I convince them he's changed? How can I get their support?-- Callie, 32
Dr. Susan: If you've fully shared your boyfriend problems with your friends, don't try too hard to convince them things have changed. It's one of those cases of "I'll believe it when I see it." I'm sure they want you to be happy rather than unhappy. Let them know that the best they can do right now to support you is to be either positive or silent about your relationship. When they start going on about past screw-ups, tell them that isn't helpful for you right now. If you protest too much that you're sure he's changed, they will see that as insecurity on your part. Keep in the back of your mind, though, that important issues don't get worked through once and for all.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.