Suddenly He's Too Busy for Her?
Q: My boyfriend and I were hot and heavy, but now he doesn't want to hang out as much. He says he's too busy. Plus he's got two kids from two different girls and he never seems to know when he's going to have daddy duty. The kids' moms just drop them off with my BF when they get fed up. He also recently got laid off from his job, so shouldn't he have more time for me? Do you think he's not that into me or should I hang around to see if he really loves me? — Lauren, 27
Dr. Susan: Hot and heavy is fun, but it doesn't tell you a crumb about real love. It sounds like your boyfriend isn't the best bet for a long-term relationship. Are you willing to hang around waiting for attention while he tends to his children (two from two women already)? His being laid-off theoretically gives him more time for you, but he may not want to spend money on dates or do much of anything if he's feeling down about the job loss.
If you're comfortable doing so, ask him what he's busy with, and if you can help. If you're not comfortable asking questions, or you're reluctant to help him with those kids who keep being dropped off, this guy is probably not for you. Move on.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.