Her Friend Loves a Selfish Guy
Q: How do you tell a friend that she is in a bad relationship? My best friend's new boyfriend is a selfish blowhard. I'm sure she'd be better off without him, but she can't seem to see his (many) faults. How can I help her come to her senses? - Vicki, 24
Dr. Susan: When it comes to love, or any reasonable facsimile thereof, you are rarely able to talk sense into someone else's deluded brain. Your job is to be supportive of your friend when she needs you, and not to take responsibility for her poor judgment. If you nag her about her boyfriend's faults, she'll tune you out. You can always ask her if she would like your opinion about him, if she'll take into account that your mind isn't messed up by love and lust hormones. Even if she allows you to keep reminding her of her guy's lousy character, she isn't likely to take your advice. As I see it, a friend's job is to give thoughtful opinions when asked, and to relax the rest of the time. As for getting her to come to her senses, you can't do it. At least, not until science finds a way to counteract Cupid's misguided arrows.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.