Tepid Kisses Not Setting Her Afire
Q: Recently, I met a really nice guy through work. He's sweet and thoughtful, but after a few dates and a couple lukewarm good-night kisses, I'm just not feeling a spark. I'd be lucky to have a man like him — he's such a good guy — but I miss that "swept away" feeling. Can you ever get heat without a spark? - Jill, 29
Dr. Susan: Yes, you can grow to love someone deeply over time, even when there are no fireworks at the beginning. That said, these days, if you date a guy several times, and the good-night kisses aren't heating up, I'd say maybe this guy is more sweet than passionate. Some women are fine with not passionate, but most want to be with a guy who shows some intensity when they kiss. Have you spent time alone with him in an environment where more can happen? Have you tried to heat him up by snuggling close? You don't have to feel swept away, and in fact, such wild feelings often accompany relationships that are not going to last. But you don't have to settle for lukewarm love. You have little to lose by asking mid-tepid kiss, "Don't you like me?"
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.