Who Gets Custody of Friends?
Q: Last month I asked my husband for a divorce. Our break up seemed amicable — we'd been growing apart for a long time — but since the split, all our shared friends have taken his side! What can I do? It's lonely and I miss them! - Meg, 47
Dr. Susan: It's still early, but shared friends often feel they have to choose one or the other in a divorcing couple, especially if they knew one partner first. Perhaps your ex isn't telling his and your friends the whole story of your growing alienation. So naturally they would believe it was your idea to split and that he's a victim. You may have to try a little harder to make your friends feel relaxed around you. Reach out once anyway, and tell them you miss them and that they don't have to choose, that you and your ex would both be happy to remain friends with them. Grown-ups can usually manage that.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.