Can You Get a Guy to Commit?
Q: Have I been dumped? I've been with "Jared" off and on for about two years. After our last fight (which was — surprise! — about his commitment issues), he went AWOL. He hasn't returned texts or calls and didn't show up to a party hosted by our mutual friends. It's been a week. Did we break up? --Allie, 22
Dr. Susan: If you have to write to an advice columnist to find out whether you and your boyfriend are still together, I'd have to say, No, you are definitely not a couple any longer. And what's with the relationship being "off and on" for two years? That's a lot of waffling. Maybe you are seeking commitment at too early a stage in your life. It would be wise to learn the signs of a commitment-phobic guy. Too little dependability, too many fights. Why bother? I wouldn't call it being dumped. I'd say at least one of you realized this relationship doesn't have lasting power. Even if he wants to try being "on" again, I'd walk away from him.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.