How Sexily Should She Dress?
Q: For the past 12 years, I was overweight and unhappy with myself. So I finally did something about it and started taking zumba classes and doing yoga. Now I think I look good, and I know I feel younger than I did five years ago. I met a friend at zumba class who's helping me make over my style to go with my new attitude. The problem is that my husband is jealous. He seems to want me to stay stuck in a middle-aged look. He tells me my dresses are too tight and my tops are too low cut. I want to show off my new body and look younger. How can I get him to stop pressuring me? I still love him, but I'm not the old me anymore. - Kendra, 41
Dr. Susan: I refuse to believe your husband wants you to look older than you feel. But I bet he wishes you'd save the tight and low-cut clothes for him, not for every random stranger. Consider why you feel the need to show off your body and can't find a way to do that without sending out strong sexual signals. Plenty of styles should be flattering to your thinner figure and to your new image of yourself without setting off alarms in your husband's mind. Sit him down and talk about what exactly you each want or fear. If he pressures you due to his not understanding this "new you" and his not wanting to lose the old you, be kind. Consider compromising a bit.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.