She Wants More Together Time
Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We're in love, totally compatible and want the same things in the future. There's just one red flag: he keeps me totally separate from the rest of his life. I've never met his family and have rarely been invited to go out with his friends. We both work crazy hours, so there are entire days we don't talk. I don't think he's cheating, but I am a little concerned about the amount of "space" he needs. Should I be worried? - Robin, 36
Dr. Susan: You needn't be worried if you'd be okay continuing exactly as you are now. With both of you being so busy, it's possible that neither of you needs more intimacy and time together than you currently have. As you don't talk to him for entire days, it's possible that he doesn't want to share you with friends or family in his limited time. Still, when something feels wrong, you have to get it out in the open. Maybe he'll explain that this is just how things happened, no ulterior motives involved. If both your jobs are what's causing a problem, then it isn't necessarily him choosing to have a lot of personal space away from you. I don't know if you should be worried, but you should do what you can to air your concerns.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.