Are Separate Vacations Risky?
Q: A female friend of mine is turning 40 and wants us to go on a cruise to celebrate. It'll be a week in the Caribbean, and I can't wait! The problem is that my husband is acting all weird about it. He says he wouldn't want to be away from me for that long. We used to take separate vacations all the time when we lived together before we got married. Now he acts like I'm doing something wrong. I need this break and want some girl time without my hubby hanging around. How can I get him to understand what I want without making him madder? --Nikki, 42
Dr. Susan: I wonder if something else is going on that causes your husband to mistrust you? A week apart can seem like nothing if all is going smoothly in your relationship, but those same seven days can seem threatening if you're not totally sure your partner is trustworthy. Of course, he could simply be envious of the fun you plan to have without him, when there's nobody he would choose to spend a week with other than you.
Have you considered compromises that would work for all three of you? Maybe a long weekend with your friend, giving you plenty of girl time. I suggest you sit your guy down and see if you can determine exactly why he's so against this trip, and at the same time explain why you feel you need it so much. Personally, I'd be more on your husband's side in this, but then, I've learned not to be trusting of what can happen when circumstances make it too easy to be naughty.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.