Her Mate is Way Too Trusting
Q: My husband is always doing extra things for random people. He always gives money to people who beg. He stops whenever he sees someone walking on a deserted road and picks them up. I'm weirded out and think that's dangerous. He says he's gotta help those who are down and out. But he doesn't know it when they're playing him. The other day this lady gave some long story about her car breaking down and how she didn't have money for a cab and didn't want to take a ride from a stranger. So he gave her $40. I couldn't believe he fell for it. He says he'd rather be a sucker then think bad of everybody. How can I get him to see that he could be doing bad things by trying to be good? --Maya, 36
Dr. Susan: Picking people up in your car these days is a no-no. Way too risky in most cases. He can offer to call someone to help them if needed. Giving someone $40 for a cab seems excessive, too. Couldn't she hail the cab and pay when she got home? So I do see your point. On the other hand, it looks like you are married to someone who is generous, someone who chooses to trust rather than be afraid to help another human. I suggest you talk this out, pointing out the behaviors that provoke your genuine anxiety, and try to agree on some behaviors that are not harmful and make him feel good. Let the rest go.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.