Should She Tell His Fiancée He Cheated?
Q: My boyfriend and I had been seeing each other very casually for about nine months. We both have demanding jobs and were clear about keeping things light, so I didn't think anything of it when he dropped off the radar. Then I found out on Facebook that he just got engaged! It appears he's been with his fiancé for several years and I doubt she has any idea about me. Do I warn her about her future husband? Cynthia-31
Dr. Pamela: Before signing on to Facebook and spilling the news take a step back and consider your motives and possible outcomes. Is your desire to tell driven by your concern for a woman you don't know? Do you really want to warn her about her fiancé's behavior? While most women try to act as though they want to tell the truth in order to do the right thing, most times it is an act of revenge. Your ex-boyfriend's behavior still angers you, and the best way to get back at him is through his fiancée. Why ruin her limited chance of happiness with this guy? On some level she must know the type of man she's dealing with. While you may be giving the woman specifics on his cheating, you're most likely not telling her anything she doesn't know. Now whether she wants to admit that is another thing.
Not only isn't there anything for you to gain by telling, you could be inviting repercussions. While people say they want to know the truth, they also tend to attack those who expose it. Are you prepared for unwanted involvement, such as being blamed by him, by her or by both? Let it go and consider you lucky. You had only a casual relationship with this creep and that you're not sitting alone devastated by a broken heart. You got off easy. And now, whether you interfere or not, his fiancée may not be so lucky.
Copyright © Fun Online Corporation
Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.