Low Libido Unnerving Her
Q: On a scale from 1-10, 10 being really bad, how bad is it that I don't want to be intimate with my husband anymore? Between work and the kids, I have lost complete interest in intimacy. I find this rather disturbing considering all of my friends are still pretty much happy in this department with their husbands for the most part. My husband, on the other hand is not disinterested. He has initiated it multiple times, and on all of those occasions, I come up with excuses. "I'm tired" or "Later." But later never happens. Is it me? Is it my husband? I'm only 40 so it's not like I've lost interest because of that. So, how bad is this? -Ginny, 40
Dr. Anna: You're right to be concerned. First off, if you haven't seen your medical doctor for a check up, now's the time. Sometimes low libido can be related to physical changes. So get a good physical and make sure your body is healthy. Then turn to your emotional side. Are you feeling burnt out? Depressed? Was there a time before when you were interested in intimacy with him? When did that start to change? Is your heart happy or are you feeling stuck, exhausted, unhappy?
If you're not happy with yourself, you're certainly not going to have energy to focus on intimacy. It sounds like it's not feeling good for you, and it's probably not feeling good for him either. Talk about it with him, with your doctor, with a therapist—start somewhere and take the steps you need to feel healthy and happy again.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.