Engaged but Worried
Q: I am engaged! Yes, it's pretty exciting. I am looking forward to starting a new life with my amazing fiancé. But therein lies the problem. He spent way too much on the ring. This new life I envision with him is one where financial problems are not an issue. I worry that my spendthrift husband-to-be cares more about showing off his money than making smart financial decisions. I am not a fancy girl at all and do not need to be walking around with an expensive ring on my finger. That's money that can go into our home and our future. So, is there a polite way to tell my husband I'd like him to sell my ring and get me a much, much cheaper one? I can only imagine that would kill his ego as everyone that has seen it has already been quite impressed. -Vicki, 33
Dr. Anna: Money is one of the major sticking points in many relationships. You need to sit down with him ASAP—seriously, the sooner the better—and have a heart to heart on this issue. If you have good financial role models in your life, get ideas from them about how to talk to your fiancé and how to plan together. It may feel hard now, but the longer you wait, the harder it's going to be.
You need to get clear on how you two are going to handle money and finances. How are you going to plan, share, and work together to meet financial goals? If you want to be happy in the long run, you need to make sure you have a partner who is on the same page for how to spend and save.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.