He Wants Commitment
Q: I've been seeing a great guy for a few months. I describe him to my friends as "fun and finally normal." I've dated a bunch of odd characters so I couldn't be happier. The problem is I think he's taking things a bit too fast. He's 33, so a lot of his friends are already married with kids and he isn't shy to talk about having that with me. At first I entertained the idea, but I didn't think he was super serious to the point where I thought he might even propose soon. We booked a cruise this summer and, who knows, he may even do it then! I want to continue seeing him but I would like for him to pump the breaks a bit. Is there some way I might be able to express that to him without scaring him away? -Dani, 36
Dr. Anna: When you need to have a difficult conversation with someone you care about, start by talking about the positive aspects. Give him a heads up that you want to talk about something about your relationship. Tell him all of the things you love and appreciate and make it clear how much you value the relationship. Then try saying something like, "I am worried we are taking things are bit too fast." Give some examples of what you mean. Then make a request. Perhaps something like, "Could we talk less about marriage and kids and just try to focus on where we are now?" See how that goes. Good communication skills are a great foundation for healthy relationships. No better time to practice than right now.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.