Is He Worth Moving For?
Q: Last summer, when visiting family in another state, I dated one of my cousin's friends, Joe. Over semester break, I went back and dated him some more. He's the first guy I've dated consistently without wanting out, and I fell for him. When I left, we were keeping in touch but have since stopped. I planned on attending graduate school in his state, but I wasn't accepted. Economically speaking, it would be foolish for me to still move there, but emotionally, because of Joe, it's the place I belong right now. I'm torn over what I should do. I do realize, however, that he may not be around or even interested in pursuing something if I were to move out there. I just can't shake the feeling that I am going to miss out on having a wonderful guy in my life. --- Nancy
Dr. Susan: Nancy, you're attempting to make life decisions around a fantasy. I don't understand why you didn't keep in touch after you came back home. Before you make a huge decision like moving to a state to be near someone you're only briefly dated, you ought to reopen communications with him. How about taking a big leap and giving him a call? You may get a happy excited response, or he may blow you off or seem uneasy. If it's the former, you could consider taking the slightly more solid step of visiting him. But I wouldn't pull up stakes and base your future around the vague hope that he's as wonderful as you remember and that he's as interested in you as you'd like.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.