Can't Figure Out His Feelings
Q: I and any other girls left out there interested in dating "nice guys" need your help. All too often the nice guys are somewhat shy or at least more reserved and therefore don't take a lot of initiative when it comes to intimacy. You could only be getting a good night kiss for weeks. For instance, I'm 21 and I'm dating a great guy, but I need to know how to get some more serious moves going, at least a make-out scene, without coming off as desperate. (P.S. I can't invite him in -- my house is being remodeled.) -- Heather
Dr. Susan: You don't need a house, Heather, but you do need a private place where your shy guy won't feel observed and on the spot. Have you tried gentle moves of your own to get him in the mood and to show him you want more? Like caressing his hand, fondling his hair, or while you're getting that simple good-night kiss, hugging him with some real oomph and not letting him go? I'm not suggesting you force him far beyond his comfort zone, but if he doesn't take THOSE hints, then apparently his need for intimacy isn't as great as yours. Or he's a very inexperienced fraidy-cat. Or it's slightly possible that he fears he'll turn into a sex monster and he's doing his best to control his baser urges. You could try saying directly, while running your finger up and down his arm or on his neck: "C'mon, isn't it time we loosened up a little?"
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.