She Likes Porn, Too
Q: A few years ago, I found out my husband, who's 42, was viewing porn on the internet. At first I got mad, but then told him if he's going to do it, at least include me. We did it once together, but he was very uncomfortable.
But wait! I like porn too. For some reason, I'm really turned on by looking at naked women. Our sex life is definitely better after I find the sites that he's already been to (those in history that he forgets to clear). Because it's "acceptable" for men to like porn, but not for women, I don't want my husband to think I'm a freak because I get turned on by other women. What should I do? -- Marianne
Dr. Susan: It's no longer freakish for women to admit they are aroused by porn. Experts have found that plenty of women are more turned on by it than they realize or will admit. You need to stop haunting your husband's internet history files. He's sure to feel his privacy has been invaded if you sneakily follow him around. Instead, tell him you're longing to spice up your sex life, and that an easy way would be for the two of you to sometimes watch porn together. Don't make him feel he has to share every nook and cranny of his imagination with you. He may still at times want to satisfy himself alone, no strings attached. As for your response to naked women, it's probably the whole "forbidden" sexual situation that is the turn-on, rather than the women alone. No big deal.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.