He Wants Her Fat
Q: I started dating my boyfriend about 5 months ago and, shortly after, we were in a terrible accident together. He was unscathed but I had severe injuries. Prior to the accident, I wasn't a twig, but I was athletic and jogged regularly. When I wasn't able to exercise, I gained some weight, and now that I've been given a clean bill of health, I've resumed exercising. My boyfriend is freaking out! Every time I jog he gets mopey and he is continually buying me fast food. I feel like a cow and point to my fat and he says "Maybe I like that." I have a hard time believing anyone would find a jelly roll attractive! Why is he doing this? -- Carly
Dr. Susan: Beats me. Could be he's one of those men who likes women with extra heft and he was only tolerating the trim shape you had when you were first dating. Could be he's afraid to lose you if you get too gorgeous -- this can happen, you know. His mopiness and freaking out are puzzling, that's for sure. If this relationship is going to last, you need to be able to discuss this with him openly. It's enabling behavior (i.e., not good) to buy you fast food when you've made it plain you are serious about watching what you eat. People who really love people want what is best for them. So ask him why he's trying so hard to thwart your efforts to be healthy.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.