Q: After being together for two years, we just got married six months ago. Everything was going well, but he soon started having anxiety attacks. Instead of talking to me about it, he talks to his parents and sister. He says it has something to do with being homesick but I don't know what to do. He wants me to be by his side and support him but won't even talk to me about what's bothering him. He plans to visit a doctor but meanwhile he sleeps at his parents' house. I tried my best to make him feel comfortable, I am clean, organized, I can cook and love doing stuff for the house. I am going insane. Did we move too fast? Are we too young? PLEASE HELP?! -- Gina, 22
Dr. Susan: While you are indeed young, Gina, a lot of couples marry early and make a go of it, so that doesn't explain anything. The problem I see here is that your new husband is having second thoughts about being married, only it would have been better if he'd had them before the wedding, not now. Was the wedding done on impulse? I strongly urge you to talk with him or with his family and get them to urge him to see a doctor immediately. If he's having anxiety attacks, he may be struggling with clinical depression or some other malady. I might also suggest you step back a little bit and let him handle this however he needs to, at least for a while longer. He's not saying he doesn't want to be with you, although his sleeping away from you is a bit alarming. Your own anxiety (you say you're going insane) could be exacerbating his own. Everyone needs to mellow out. Now, if he doesn't start confiding in you within a few weeks at most, you may have to rethink this marriage.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.