Everything in One Man?
Q: Last year I decided to end a relationship with a guy who is five years younger than me. He had no drive to become more financially stable or to be what I wanted him to be. We have extreme passion for each other and neither of us can really move on. I have become good friends with a guy at work who has all the qualities I want in a man but we don't have any passion at all. In fact, he stinks in bed and he isn't a very good kisser. I have found myself torn between passion and no real drive with one man and absolutely no passion but real ambition with the other. Is there such a thing as having everything you want in one man? How do I decide as I can't let either one go? -- Marsha, 31
Dr. Susan: Find everything in one man? Don't make me laugh. That said, it is possible to feel sexual attraction for someone with a bit of drive. I wouldn't commit to a lifetime with a man who I found wholly unappealing in bed. It will only get worse over the years! Now, the guy you know well and still have strong passion for, it's possible that you expect too much from him, especially since he's still rather young. Is it that he doesn't have the level of ambition you want him to have (beware your own control issues) but he makes enough to take care of himself and also join with you as a partner in raising a family eventually (if that's what you have in mind)? Or is he a total loser with no career, no interest in finding a satisfying job, who ends up "borrowing" from you all the time? And don't tell me, or yourself, that you can't let either one go. Why not? Because it's uncomfortable to be without a man for a while? Neither one sounds like a bargain to me. Keep looking.
Copyright © Fun Online Corporation
Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.