He Talks Too Much to His Ex
Q: Am I wrong for getting mad at my soon-to-be-husband for telling his ex (his baby's mama) where he is going every time she calls? Am I just overreacting and too jealous or what? This has caused a problem and I honestly don't want things to go bad, because other than that we have a good relationship. What should I do to stop this feeling? I would feel better if he just says that he is handling business. He tells me he is tired of me accusing him of wrong-doing when it comes to this woman. -- Angie, 34
Dr. Susan: Your man hasn't gotten out of the habit of responding to his ex's questions. If all she wants to know is where he's going, and he tells her, it's not as if he's having intimate conversations with her. As much as we'd like to, we can't control how our loved ones speak to others. He may see your anger at him over this as a forerunner of other jealousy issues to come, when it sounds as if the only thing he's doing wrong is jabbering on with someone you'd like him to close the book on. It doesn't mean he wants to resume his former relationship with her. If you're getting married soon, I might consider waiting until this is worked out. Don't pester him and perhaps eventually he'll learn to keep his conversations with her appropriately short. Some people can't let go all at once and get pulled back into talking too much with their exes even when it would be better all around if they had better boundaries. You might want to ask him if he minds her calling as often as she does. If he does, perhaps he should tell her so, or not answer the phone some of the time (that's what answering machines and Caller-ID are for). If he's happy with things as they are, and in all other ways is true to you, then lay off.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.