Looking for Love Online
Q: My boyfriend of three years is on an online dating website. His picture isn't there, but regardless, he is there and visits it pretty much daily. Meanwhile he tells me repeatedly how much he loves me, and he treats me great. He does not know that I know this little bit of information. In my opinion, that is a form of cheating but is it worth me making an issue over? -- Kelley, 54
Dr. Susan: If something your partner does makes you very unhappy, then it's certainly worth making an issue over. It's already an issue; he just doesn't know that it is. Did you find out by snooping on his computer? In that case, you've done something that will cause him to trust you less. If you had a legitimate reason to be using his computer, then simply admit it. Ask him outright how come he's still acting like he's looking for love online. For a while after my husband and I began dating (we met through a magazine ad, pre-Internet), we both continued to look at the new ads that came out. I suppose we were teasing one another a bit, to get a reaction and see how much jealousy we could inspire. But I know that before we were fully committed to one another, there was still that need to see what else was out there. You and your boyfriend are still dating after three years, not married, so he's probably not as sure about his future with you as he claims. I agree that in this case it's a form of cheating, and I'd take it seriously. Talk to him about it.
Copyright © Fun Online Corporation
Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.