Q: I have been talking with a man for a while, but I do not go out a lot so I only see him one or two nights a week. Usually I'm the one who starts the conversation. He is divorced, and I have never married. He is going through a hard time with work, but he does talk, looks over and smiles. He will always do something to let me know he sees me. I am not looking for marriage, just a good friend, someone to call to go out to eat or just get together. I would like to know if I am wasting time or is it going to take some work on my part? Is he gun-shy or are these signs of interest? This is the first time in a long time I have let myself go, so this is hard for me to read. -- Michele, 58
Dr. Susan: If what you want is someone to go out to eat with, why not suggest the two of you have lunch at some new place in the area? Like this: "I've heard they have great food at the Leaky Taco. Would you like to try it out with me sometime?" If he shows no interest at all, or suddenly becomes really uncomfortable, you'll have your answer. And you can just laugh it off and say, "Okay, maybe another time." From what you've said, it's impossible to determine his level of interest. He may simply be a nice friendly man with no interest in women at the moment. I wouldn't "wait" for him to make the first move.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.