Will She Ever Know the Truth?
Q: I have reason to believe that my husband cheated on me one year into our new marriage. He denies this allegation, of course. We are coming up on our 8th wedding anniversary, not all good years, and I still cannot trust him completely. Will he ever tell me the truth? -- Sheryl, 41
Dr. Susan: Why should he ever tell you more than he already has? If he cheated once, which is what you suspect, then the affair is long over and he probably figures it would only do harm to confess now. The problem, of course, is that his possible dishonesty has eroded your trust in him, even more perhaps than the betrayal itself (if there was one). Just because all eight of your years haven't been good ones doesn't mean a lot. You won't find a marriage with no dark periods. The best thing to do at your anniversary might be to tell him what your lack of trust comes from, in as much detail as you can, but without pressuring him to admit what he hasn't admitted yet. Just explain to him that being so sure something happened, but not hearing the truth from him, is making it tremendously difficult for you to let it go. See how he reacts. If he tells you that he did something he won't ever do again and that he won't talk about it, but that he wants to have a great marriage with you, then it would be easier for you to put the issue aside. I suggest you put it all aside anyway so you can start fresh. Judge his honesty from now on, without looking back. Easier said than done, I know!
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.