Q: I've been dating this guy on and off for a year. The reason why it's been crazy is because he's such a mama's boy. He does what his mom says and doesn't know how to be a man. He is one year older than me and he can't stand up for me. He doesn't even have his own car, he shares one with his mother. I've had his little sister call me and leave me nasty messages. I don't like his family because they disrespected me one year for Christmas. They tell him stuff that is not true about me. We argue half the time, and he only talks to me when he wants to, at his convenience. I have told him I am not his toy. I've cared for this for guy for so long, yet in return he doesn't care about my feelings. I have gotten into arguments with my mother about seeing this guy after he tells me that he wants to be with me and loves me and in the end it is not true. He ends up hurting me. I want to leave and forget about him but I miss talking to him. Will I ever find my Mr. Right and get this loser out of my life? - Cassie, 24
Dr. Susan: Mr. Wrong won't stand up to his family, and you won't stand up to him. I'd say you share the same character problem, which is a kind of immaturity. You say he "doesn't know how to be a man." Well, maybe he's not ready to be what you call a man. But calling him a mama's boy isn't going to speed up his development. And I'm not saying you love his mistreatment, but you seem to prefer any kind of attention to none. You mother only wants what's best for you, which is to see you get out of a crazy-making vicious circle of a relationship. So the next time you gather the courage to break off with him (which ought to be real soon), stay away. SHOW him you won't be his toy: don't call, chat, e-mail, text, or write to him, and don't accept any communication from him. Get busy joining some groups, attending a new class, getting away from the same old places you and he got together. Mr. Right isn't going to find you while you're tangled up with Mr. Wrong-in-a-dozen-ways.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.