Why Won't He Be Friends?

Q: I recently married a man who is good friends with an ex of mine. I dated the ex years ago for only a few months (he is also married now). When he found out about me and my husband, he was furious and told him he couldn't marry me because I used to be his girl. After that they didn't speak for months. He was uncomfortable around me at our wedding and has only double dated with us once out of the dozens of invites. He won't call the house out of fear of me answering but still hangs with my husband occasionally. He goes to great lengths to avoid me. My question is does he still have feelings for me? His marriage doesn't seem to be that good. I am very nice to him and have gone though much effort to make him comfortable. -- Valerie, 28

Dr. Susan: Haven't you ever wanted something you couldn't have, and you didn't want to watch anyone else enjoying it either, because it would make you jealous? Your ex-boyfriend, regardless of whether his current marriage is a great one or not, is not comfortable around you because he used to have the hots for you, and now his good friend has you all to himself. Sure, his attitude isn't all that mature, but maybe it's a good idea for him to avoid you. He knows he doesn't need his old feelings stirred up, even if they're only sexual and nothing more. Quit inviting him on double-dates. Be polite but do not press the issue. Eventually he may be able to handle being in your presence, even socializing with you, without losing his cool. His marriage is not your business.

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