He's Not Interested
Q: For months I would see this guy come into my work. Gradually he came in more often, and I made my move. Although we hung out, he has no cell phone and our only means of communication is via the internet. It's been four months now since I made the move and we've only been on three dates since then. Now there is no effort on his part to call/message. He always wants me to call but he is never there when I call. In person he is so excited to see me, but that's it. No excitement in-between. Should I just not try anymore because I'm the one making all the effort? He doesn't return phone calls and hardly writes back anymore. He hasn't even kissed me yet. - Alicia, 20
Dr. Susan: Four months, three dates, no kiss, and he doesn't return your calls. I'd say you're missing a big red flashing sign right before your eyes. If you would only pay attention to it, the sign says: Not very interested. Stop trying, and this guy will just fade away. He probably thinks you're fun to hang out with in a work context, but beyond that, you don't have much of a relationship. Sometimes a guy will show excitement in person, but not in other ways, because he doesn't really have a mental image of you in mind. He sees you, is suddenly reminded you're cute and fun, great. But in-between times, he goes about his business and never thinks of you. You write, you call, he ignores you. That sounds like a lot of effort on your part with almost no payoff at all. Give it up.
Copyright © Fun Online Corporation
Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.