Hanging with Friends
Q: The younger man I'm dating tells me he loves me, but he always wants to hang out with his friends. I don't mind to a certain extent, I like them and they accept me as his girlfriend. They even come to me for advice and often tell him that I am the best thing to ever happen to him. But he confuses me sometimes with how he acts. One minute he wants to be all over me and then he doesn't. However, let another man show any interest and he's all over him about messing with his "woman." How do I get into his head and make him realize that I'm the one he wants and that he needs to be more consistent in his affections? -- Tammy, 47
Dr. Susan: Poor girl. Don't you know you can't get into someone's head, and you haven't a chance in the world of getting him to change very much? He's "all over you" when he feels like it, and when he doesn't, he isn't. He feels possessively toward you, and he claims to love you. But I see no signs that he's thinking about committing for keeps. Only you can decide how long you'll give him before you walk away. When a guy prefers hanging out with his friends to spending more alone time with his girlfriend, it's obvious that he finds the group interaction more stimulating than intimacy with one person. His needs are being met just as things are. If you're hoping for what you call consistency, you may have to look elsewhere.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.