Lies of Married Men
Q: I'm in a relationship with a married man who tells me he has a plan and will eventually leave his wife. He's been married three times and says he doesn't ever want to get married again. He works out of town and doesn't go home but maybe once a month. We met on a dating site for people already in marriages. Do you think he is just using me because his wife doesn't accompany him on his job and he will never care for me? -- Angie, 37
Dr. Susan: Angie, that married man of yours is a devil. Married men who claim to their affair partners that they will eventually leave their wives rarely do. And when they do, they rarely commit to the lovers they had while they were married. I'm not sure why you would hang out on a dating site for the already married and then expect anything like true love, commitment, or marriage to come out of it. Yes, he is just using you, and no, it's not simply because his wife doesn't accompany him on his job. If his marriage meant anything to him, he wouldn't stick with that job for too long, nor would he be on a dating site for the married. I won't go so far as to say he will never care for you, but you have no reason to expect more than what you're getting from him right now. I'm sure he does have a plan: when any of his lovers (yes, that's plural) get too demanding, there are always more on that site and similar sites. He may treat you like a doormat, but do you have to treat yourself that way?
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.