His Prison Past
Q: I just learned that my new lover of about a month was in prison for a long time, related to his drug addiction. He is clean now, and though I'm aware of his past drug use, he hasn't divulged the prison thing yet. We get along and have so many common interests that it is amazing! My sister said to run as fast as I can in the other direction. I am at a loss. I really do like him. What should I do? -- Cathy, 54
Dr. Susan: I worry that your lover has withheld some important information about his past from you. We might assume he hasn't mentioned his prison years because he doesn't want to scare you off. It's crucial that you don't get further entangled with him until he is totally honest with you. What was he actually in prison for? How long has he been clean and how does he intend to stay that way? What else in his past is he keeping secret? Your sister may be right, in the end, but you can't make a thoughtful decision about your future without having the facts. Tell your boyfriend what you found out and that you really want to know more about him and his past.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.