She's No Swinger (But He Is)
Q: All my husband wants me to do is be with other men. He says it turns him on. He would also like to swing with other couples. This is not me at all. He expects me to dress sexy to show off for others for his benefit. It turns me off, and I want out. What do I do? -- Mary, 55
Dr. Susan: You want out? Tell your swinging husband that his preferred type of intimate activity is a huge turn-off for you. And tell him that unless he's willing to give up the idea of admitting other people into your sex life, you're leaving. Then he can decide if being with you is more important to him than this particular activity. If you value one another, you should be able to find ways to avoid boredom that don't include sharing you with other men. You needn't put him down for his fantasies, but you have every right to refuse to go along with such desires in reality. After all, if only one of you is happy, that's not much of a relationship.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.