Returning Soldier Wants Divorce
Q: My husband and I have been married a little over a year, but we have been together for six. While he was in Iraq for the war, my loneliness got the better of me and I slept with a guy I had met. I told my husband about it immediately, and he said he would deal with it when he got home. Now that he's been home for four months, all of a sudden he wants a divorce. I really want my marriage to work. I love him so much. What can I do to make him see that I love him and don't want to see this end? -- Mandy, 24
Dr. Susan: On one level, it's good that you confessed your infidelity to your husband while he was away. On another level, though, it probably gave him time to stew over your betrayal without being able to work on your relationship in person. The two of you, if he's at all interested, need to process this mess with a lot of openness and commitment. His trust in you is gone and will take a long time to rebuild. You're both young, and I don't know if the two of you had a strong enough bond before this to weather such a storm. You might ask him to enter counseling with you. He needs a chance to express his anguish, his jealousy, and his anger. Seems it was festering beneath the surface so that his decision to split was a total surprise to you. Good luck.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.