Affections are Gone
Q: I have been with my boyfriend two years. The first months were the most amazing, but little by little things started getting confusing. I try talking with him, but he is done talking. He says I stress over nothing, but I get my feelings hurt. Since I lost my job, he has been so different. He says he won't marry me until I'm rich. Sometimes I'm struggling with gas money and don't want to depend on someone financially, but I don't know if I have his support. I'd help him out in a heartbeat without his having to ask. Also, he doesn't want to spend time with my family since an incident where he left me at a club and I had to walk to his house. When I got there I found my weekend bag in the driveway. We never talk during the week; he just texts "I love you" once in a while, and I feel he only does it because of routine. I'm always the one who has to go to his house, and if I don't I won't even see him. What should I do? -- Gabriela, 31
Dr. Susan: Was he kidding about not marrying you until you're rich? If not, drop this guy like a hot potato. He sounds like a selfish parasite. It's possible you also take trivial things too seriously and get your feelings hurt easily. But if you're doing all the caring, and he doesn't step in when you need help, and if he won't talk to you, leaves you to walk home alone, dumps your bag on the driveway, and makes no effort to be a real partner, then why would you even WANT to marry him? Naturally, the early days of a relationship are more "amazing" than the later years, in the heart-thumping way of beginning love (and lust). But that usually slows down gradually. Not immediately after you lose your income. Try not visiting him for a while. Your "I'll take anything" neediness is showing.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.