Do Feelings Change So Quickly?
Q: I decided to stop dating a woman I really liked a few months ago. Before that happened she expressed that she loved me and I tried to continue. Recently I decided to try to explore seeing her casually, and she appeared to be willing, but now finds herself unable to do so without spending time with me. She also denies ever being in love with me. From attempting to become exclusive to expressing love to me a few months ago, to now not being able to talk to me: I'm perplexed. Is it possible she's being extremely guarded and denying her interest and feelings toward me? -- Eve, 44
Dr. Susan: If your former love interest doesn't want to talk to you anymore, I would say that she is being honest, not guarded. If what she wanted was to spend time with you, and that was too much of a commitment for you, then I suggest that the two of you aren't much of a match. I don't know why you stopped dating her if you "really liked" her. From her point of view, it's probably impossible to go from the intensity of loving you (or thinking she did) to just seeing you occasionally and casually. Anyway, why would you want to be with someone who is so "guarded" that she won't even talk to you? Time to move on.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.