Bad Advice from Friends
Q: My girlfriend and I have recently broken up. The breakup was mutual at first, but now I would do anything to get her back. She tells me that I need to start dating other people. But whenever we hang out, we kiss and act as if we were still together. When we were still dating we were together all of the time and I would do anything and everything for her. Friends have said that she wants me to date other people so she can become jealous and reignite the spark we once had. If there is any chance we can get back together, what can I do to help? Or should I just move on? -- Stan, 20
Dr. Susan: Those friends are not being helpful. Any relationship that depends on one party making the other one jealous is not going to last. Very dysfunctional. And I don't agree that she really wants you to go out with others so that she will like you more again. That's nuts. Seems to me that either you're together or you're not. She's teasing you and playing with your emotions. If she won't agree to be only with you again, then quit hanging out with her and kissing and all that romantic stuff. That keeps your feelings in a jumble and doesn't get you anywhere toward a real relationship. Move on.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.