Frustrated and in Love
Q: I'm in love with a very special and gorgeous woman. I would do anything for her, but she is in love with a guy whom she knows is a cheater. He is dating someone, but when she told him how she feels he told her he feels the same way. I believe he said that just to get her in bed with him. I don't want her heart to be broken when I believe I can do much better. I have to respect her feelings but it's driving me crazy!!! -- Don, 24
Dr. Susan: I can understand why this convoluted situation is making you nuts. This special woman is sharing her dysfunctional love life with you as though you're a friend. And you want to be so much more than a friend. You have no control over the bad decisions she makes. If she knows her other guy is a cheater who is dating someone else, and she believes him when he tells her he feels the way she does, she's asking for trouble.
Keep in mind that logic often doesn't have a lot to do with these kinds of decisions. She wants what she can't really have, and you want what you can't really have. Who might treat whom better is probably irrelevant. Do yourself a favor and take a break from talking with her. If she is capable of valuing your friendship (or wants to consider a romantic relationship with you), she'll get her act together. Or she'll get her heart broken and maybe learn something that all your good will isn't going to teach her.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.