Are They Really a Couple?
Q: I've known and liked this girl for more than a year. At first we were just friends. Now she's admitted to my friends that she likes me, but in public she doesn't really show her affection towards me. It's like she doesn't want anybody to know that we're kind of together. We have casual sex and all but she hasn't actually asked me to be her one and only boyfriend. I'm worried that she could find some other guy and start dating him, and technically she can because we're not committed to each other. I don't know what to do because I'm really starting to fall for her but she doesn't seem to be into it as much as I am. — Luke, 18
Dr. Susan: You're sleeping together but you can't ask her not to be with anyone else for now? That doesn't sound very promising for a genuine deep relationship. Certainly she could find someone else and date him. It often happens that one partner will be more "into it" than the other, and all you can do if you're the less loved person is to ask for honesty. Let your girl know that you're counting on her telling you if she starts seeing someone else, because you really like her and aren't dating anyone else while you're with her. See what her response is and go from there.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.