Girlfriend Flirts Too Much
Q: My girlfriend is a total flirt, and it's starting to annoy me. I don't care if she's a bit of a tease because she's totally hot and likes the attention, but now when we go out it seems like she spends more time trying to get other guys' attention than being with me. When we hang out at home it's cool, and I don't think she's cheating on me. Is she insecure? I tried doing the same thing and she didn't seem to care that other girls were all over me. Maybe she's just not that into me? — Johnny, 23
Dr. Susan: Flirting is very often a sign of insecurity and immaturity. It can also mean that a girl is still "shopping," and that she's not all that committed to you as "the one." Recalling my own early flirting days, I felt an odd sense of power. A flirty girl with a boyfriend can get other guys' attention, and yet she's still safe from acting on it because she's attached.
Only you can decide if her flirting is over the line. When she's with you, she should be with you, not use you as a launching pad for her flirtations. Perhaps if she wasn't the least bit jealous of your own flirting, she either didn't think you were serious and thus wasn't worried, or, as you suggested, she's not that into you. Her flirting is the equivalent of a guy's wandering eye. Sometimes a girlfriend or boyfriend just needs to be told that the behavior is not okay when you're together.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.