He Can't Forget Her Porn Video
Q: Recently a friend sent me a porn video. It starred my fiancée! When I asked her about it, she confessed it was something she did years ago with an old boyfriend. It was a one-time thing and she needed the money. She had hoped no one she knew would ever see it. I love my fiancée and I know I shouldn't let this get in the way of our marriage. It happened before we met and I know she regrets it. But I can't get it out of my head! I still want to marry her, but how do I get over this? — Dan, 29
Dr. Susan: Because your imagination is vivid and visual (like most or all men's), it's going to take time for the impact of these images to fade somewhat. What you're going to have to do is realize that your fiancée's old video is meaningless when it comes to your future together. Of course, not every young woman does porn to make money, but she may have been in a very difficult situation. Or else she considered it fun and lucrative, and couldn't imagine at the time that this decision might haunt her later. We all do stupid stuff when we're young.
Get rid of the video immediately. Let your fiancée know that if she has any other distressing secrets, she ought to share them with you now. And if your misery over this continues, you might need to discuss your feelings with a professional to get things into perspective before you go ahead with the wedding.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.