Loving a Woman Who Dates Around
Q: This girl and I have an on-again off-again thing. She is the hottest woman I've ever been with, and she's 20 years younger than me. I know she loves me because she tells me over and over when we are together. The problem is, she keeps going off and dating other guys. She goes on trips with them, and they buy her expensive clothes and jewelry. When I finally date someone else, she comes back to me, saying she's sorry and she misses me. I can't resist her and we start up again.
She kind of shows off what they bought her like she expects me to do the same if I want to keep her. We have passion that's hot, hot, hot! But it makes me feel bad when I give in and take her back. It's like I know she's just going to leave again and I'm being a fool for love. She won't let me move on and try to find someone who will stay with me. But I love her. What else can I do? — Bryan, 52
Dr. Susan: Your gut instinct in this instance is telling you the truth: you are a royal fool. She's the kind of woman who somehow manages to keep several guys on a string. Apparently it's not only love or lust on her part (for each of her guys), but her craving for nice trips and jewelry and clothes. She's not above playing all of you to get things. Your problem is you want her so badly that you believe her lies. Her telling you she loves you means nothing. A person is real love doesn't treat a person the way she treats you. I'd suggest wising up and getting off the merry-go-round. And never let yourself say or think, "She won't let me move on." Have some boundaries, for Pete's sake.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.